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Projects, Pineapples, and Poetry

My biggest project is a huge story that has branched out from a short story I wrote when I was 13, after I had a very strange dream. Alas, that project has been put on a back burner, as I haven’t found an artist who won’t flake out on me when I need him/her to start producing the work. This has the potential to be something epic and worth reading, but I think it would be best presented as a serial webcomic.

I could be wrong, though–God knows that’s happened more than once.

In the meantime, though, I’m looking for steady work. I left the steady job I had because they wouldn’t let me keep a shift I needed to ensure that my daughter has appropriate care during the time that I’m working, and I’ve been living off of unemployment, temp jobs, and small commissions (VERY SMALL) since then.

Another project that I have tackled is fixing the broken person who is me. To that end, while I continue to seek out friends, I have chosen to stop dating. Becoming a parent and living through what my relationship with her father became convinced me that I needed to fix whatever is wrong in me before I date again. I like helping people, and I have a drive to nurture the person I’m with to the point that I seek out broken men in a futile effort to “fix” them with my love.

Let me tell you something: it doesn’t work. All it does is cause me to date men who are so unhappy with who they are that they choose to inflict that unhappiness and negativity on everyone around them.

I’ve also realized that my efforts to “fix” broken men distract me from the brokenness inside of me. I’ve lived through and witnessed some truly terrible events that have left physical and emotional scars that affect everything I do, say, and think. I’ve allowed my past to control my present and dictate my future for far too long. In order to exorcise the ghosts of my past, I’ve started seeing a counselor who is amazing–she is helping me to get to the roots of my problems, see the truth for what it is, no matter how ugly it may be, and take away the lessons that I need to take from the truth and learn to be content no matter what curve balls are thrown my way. I can grieve the past, but wallowing in it does no good.

This choice has left me lonely, but I do have several strong friends whom I can lean on

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