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Dear Publishers Clearinghouse:

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this before, but you would probably do a better job of convincing me that I have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning if you didn’t number 90% of your “contests” as “giveaway no. 1170.”

I was born in the morning, gentlemen…but it wasn’t yesterday morning.

Still, because I am an eternal optimist, I will continue to reply to your emails, enter your contests, and search with your search engine because the part of me that still believes in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and miracles still persists in believing that one day the Prize Patrol will knock on my door and give me money. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be $10 million or $5000 a week for life. Give me a bit of money, and I’ll do what I can with it.

Signed,

LC the dreamer

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